Bullying - An Insidious Cancer
Bully – someone who knowingly abuses the rights of others to gain control of a situation and the individuals involved. Bullies deliberately and personally use intimidation and manipulation to get their way. The workplace bully:
is smooth
is arrogant
revels in her power
loves an audience gazing with awe
dominates meetings
injects her personal style into everything
is charming
cannot be trusted
The workplace bully is created through a personality defect, childhood learned behavior, bad management, lack of personal or professional development, and/or mental illness.
Target – an individual who usually has the desirable qualities of competence, networking and emotional intelligence (EI). EI criteria include the understanding of one’s own feelings, empathy for the feelings of others, and the regulation of emotion in a way that enhances living. People with high EI are socially poised, outgoing, cheerful, and less prone to fearfulness. They have a notable capacity for commitment to people or causes, for taking responsibility, and for having an ethical outlook; they are sympathetic and caring in their relationships. Many targets assume that the world values discussion, respect for others, openness, and fairness. This individual is selected by the bully as an object towards which she can direct an unrelenting stream of harm – mainly subtle and some obvious – in order to reduce the target’s performance, self-esteem and value (while increasing the bully’s own view of her own self-importance), and to terminate the target’s employment. This last act happens frequently under the guise of “resignation.”
Bullying – is rarely a single incident and tends to be an accumulation of many small incidents, each of which, when taking in isolation and out of context, may seem trivial. The person being bullied may not realize they are being bullied for weeks or months – until there is a moment of enlightenment. Workplace bullying tends to fixate on trivial criticisms and false allegations of underperformance. The focus is on competence (envy) and popularity (jealousy). The target is seen as a threat who must first be controlled and subjugated, and if that doesn’t work, eliminated. Ultimately, the bully is driven by envy of abilities and jealousy of relationships.
The major problem with bullying is not the bullies themselves, but society’s tolerance of and acquiescence in their behavior. This has allowed the Workplace Bully to grow into an insidious cancer, eating away at the productive core of individuals and organizations. Workplace Bullying flourishes in the absence of real and effective leadership. The paradox is that bullying is all too often a sign of weakness on the part of the Workplace Bully, who will use her positional power to mask her serious personal character flaws.
The challenge is not just to get rid of bullying because it is the right thing to do. It is also the smart thing to do. Imagine what bullying costs individuals and society; the immediate loss of productivity is measurable. The failure of individuals and groups to achieve their inherent potential is far less tangible. The silent impact of bullying is incredibly debilitating.
“Who the hell does she think she is, talking down to us like that?” Take a look at colleagues’ reactions with no emotions. They do not move a muscle; their eyes are firmly planted on the bully and their faces amazingly neutral. Are they truly untouched by the condescension she dishes out so generously? Are they all lacking in ability to confront her? Putting up with the patronizing and controlling behavior, the arrogance, the petty crap, the continual undermining is typical. Unfortunately, to survive, sub-managers have to knuckle down and take the abuse the bully gives so generously, or ignore the abuse she gives to others.
Think about the impact that his daily, weekly, monthly treatment has on individuals. Think about the long-term impact on them as parents and spouses, let alone as employees and managers. Think about the negative, albeit indirect, impact her bullying has on innocent children by turning otherwise mentally and emotionally healthy parents into depressed, downtrodden, stress-ridden people.
In meetings, every item or idea the sub-manager raises, the bully criticizes – patronizingly. No credit is given for the target’s work or effort. According to the bully, the sub-manager’s work is incorrect and inappropriate, although the bully will give no specifics, even when pushed. The bully loses most of her managers as the smart ones moved on - - usually out of the organization. This has been going on for years. Why is this woman allowed to make the working lives of so many people so miserable?
Workplace bullying dehumanizes and demoralizes people. The bully uses her power to identify, undermine, and terminate targets. The targets have traits, personality, and characteristics that the bully wishes she had. For the bully, the target is perceived as a threat. In healthy organizations, such individuals should be sought after, respected, and promoted.
An additional and familiar component of workplace bullying is a deliberate process to gain control of the target. The bully will often “court” the individual and become a good colleague, seemingly relying on the target and taking advice from the target. The target is being set up as a high performer, and then systematically broken down.
The bully is typically at or near the top of the organizational structure. She will tell false tales about the target, exclude them from meetings, and exclude them from receiving information necessary to do a good job, along with the continual personal undermining and allegations of wrongdoings. The allegations and undermining are seldom made or carried out in a group setting. They are almost always executed on a one-to-one basis. In front of others, the bully is typically courteous, and, in some cases, extremely friendly and charming to and about the target. This charming front, balanced by the one-on-one personal tormenting regarding lack of achievement, makes up the psychological torture. Similar dynamics exist with domestic violence. One seldom sees a batterer beat up his wife in the street – he is always charming and loving in public, and carries out his battering almost always behind closed doors.
The bully, with her now isolated and excluded target, goes in for the kill – and soon another target is gone. Typically, the target at this stage is so defeated that he or she simply leaves.
When workplace bullying is happening in an organization, it is because leadership and management of the organization are allowing it to happen. Whenever there is a chronic workplace bully, there will be a trail of targets – this behavior is never a one-off. Corporate structures are condoning workplace bullying by doing nothing. Bad things happen when good people do nothing.
While targets assume that the world values discussion, respect for others, openness, and fairness, the bully sees these traits only as weaknesses to be exploited. Targets will attempt to do the decent thing and talk about issues. The bully will see this interaction as a game to be won – not issues to be discussed, compromised, and action jointly agreed. The bully must win at all costs. The target meanwhile continues with the mindset that most people are fair and therefore common ground can be found. The target who persists in seeking this common ground eventually wears themselves out and/or goes into a defensive mode. Either way, the target plays right into the bully’s hand.
Many targets and potential targets are victims of their own good nature. They will look trustingly upon a bully and initially believe what is said. It maybe have to be a blatant lie or act before a target will think poorly or badly of the bully. Many will bend over backwards or interpret the bully’s action positively in light of their own values and judging frameworks. It often takes another person to point out how badly he is being treated by the bully.
Personal qualities that bullies find irresistible:
Competence (this stimulates envy in less than competent bullies)
Intelligence
Uncompromising Honesty and integrity (which bullies despise)
Successfully
A strong sense of humor, including display of quick-wittedness
Imaginative
Helpful, always willing to share knowledge and experience
A strong forgiving streak and a desire to think well of others
Typical behaviors of the bully:
Spreading false or sarcastic innuendo to undermine creditability
Holding meetings without informing target
Keeping target out of the loop on important issues
Only telling half the story on major issues
Constantly finding things to complain about
Hostile and unproductive behavior in meetings
Constantly challenging target’s competence
Resisting one-on-one meetings
Second-guessing target’s decisions
The workplace bully typically has few allies except those who use her positional power to enhance their own. These people include reporting managers and administrative support people; hitching a ride on her power base can be rewarding. The primary skill of a bully is to use a “divide and conquer” approach early on with the results that the prospective targets are forced apart and do no have the support of team camaraderie. She then proceeds to spread innuendo and false stories about the target under the guise of “confidential.” This creates suspicion and the team becomes divided on what to do, who to listen to, and who to trust. When people are unsure of whom to trust, they withdraw and it becomes easy for the bully to manage the target’s demise with little or no challenge. The fear that she brings into the workplace is extensive, and it works. People close down, do not share, and go about their daily tasks with one thought – survive the day and go home (note the primary thought is NOT for the benefit of the customer/company).
This approach also seems to apply to the bully’s peers. Why else would a seemingly intelligent group of senior people go to such lengths to hide one of their own when she is obviously doing the organization a huge disfavor economically? Is it merely a skill deficiency in conflict resolution? Or is it fear that she may one day turn on them?
However, even the best people will eventually begin to think, “where there’s smoke there’s fire” about the target, and begin to wonder if the bully is right about the target; about her/him not performing. Those close to the target will often hear only the bully’s versions which will be embellished made-up issues regarding the target’s performance. The observers will tend to believe the bully – she is the boss. Of course when this stage is reached, the target’s performance is declining and they are barely at survival level in their emotional well-being because of the bully’s clever ploys. The bully’s actions worked; the prophecy has come true – the target is barely performing.
Stay and suffer, or leave?
In corporate life, managers who are targeted either leave voluntarily because they simply cannot stand it any more and get out for their own sanity, or they negotiate a “resignation” settlement with a confidentiality clause. It is quite easy to find a chronic bully in senior management – look at the management turnover statistics in the past 3-5 years and there will be a trail of “resignations” – some with settlements and some without – all with credible explanations, or at least on the surface.
Management turnover is extremely costly – recruitment of a manager costs up to 30% of the first year’s remuneration. In addition, the expense of lawyers, settlement costs, and the qualitative costs of down time in productivity through management changeovers is significant.
To fight or not to fight?
If the target fights back, this can be their downfall. The bully is only interested in control. The target does not realize at first that what he/she is actually fighting is not a principle or an issue but a bully. By the time realization hits, the bully’s tactics are already working. The target’s self-esteem is wavering, and the fighting becomes defensive and exhausting. The bully with real positional power will then increase the pressure and work to undermine the target and then edge her/him out of the organization – preferably under their own steam. This has two conclusions – it rids the bully of the challenger, and it sends a message to others that standing up to the bully is a recipe for humiliation and termination.
If the target stays and fights back, the chances of being forced out are very high. Typically the termination will be the result of a “reorganization” or a trumped up performance issue. If the target stays and does not fight back, s/he will have to become another corporate drone. Her/his career will progress slowly, if at all. The target’s development will remain stagnant for as long as the bully is in place.
is smooth
is arrogant
revels in her power
loves an audience gazing with awe
dominates meetings
injects her personal style into everything
is charming
cannot be trusted
The workplace bully is created through a personality defect, childhood learned behavior, bad management, lack of personal or professional development, and/or mental illness.
Target – an individual who usually has the desirable qualities of competence, networking and emotional intelligence (EI). EI criteria include the understanding of one’s own feelings, empathy for the feelings of others, and the regulation of emotion in a way that enhances living. People with high EI are socially poised, outgoing, cheerful, and less prone to fearfulness. They have a notable capacity for commitment to people or causes, for taking responsibility, and for having an ethical outlook; they are sympathetic and caring in their relationships. Many targets assume that the world values discussion, respect for others, openness, and fairness. This individual is selected by the bully as an object towards which she can direct an unrelenting stream of harm – mainly subtle and some obvious – in order to reduce the target’s performance, self-esteem and value (while increasing the bully’s own view of her own self-importance), and to terminate the target’s employment. This last act happens frequently under the guise of “resignation.”
Bullying – is rarely a single incident and tends to be an accumulation of many small incidents, each of which, when taking in isolation and out of context, may seem trivial. The person being bullied may not realize they are being bullied for weeks or months – until there is a moment of enlightenment. Workplace bullying tends to fixate on trivial criticisms and false allegations of underperformance. The focus is on competence (envy) and popularity (jealousy). The target is seen as a threat who must first be controlled and subjugated, and if that doesn’t work, eliminated. Ultimately, the bully is driven by envy of abilities and jealousy of relationships.
The major problem with bullying is not the bullies themselves, but society’s tolerance of and acquiescence in their behavior. This has allowed the Workplace Bully to grow into an insidious cancer, eating away at the productive core of individuals and organizations. Workplace Bullying flourishes in the absence of real and effective leadership. The paradox is that bullying is all too often a sign of weakness on the part of the Workplace Bully, who will use her positional power to mask her serious personal character flaws.
The challenge is not just to get rid of bullying because it is the right thing to do. It is also the smart thing to do. Imagine what bullying costs individuals and society; the immediate loss of productivity is measurable. The failure of individuals and groups to achieve their inherent potential is far less tangible. The silent impact of bullying is incredibly debilitating.
“Who the hell does she think she is, talking down to us like that?” Take a look at colleagues’ reactions with no emotions. They do not move a muscle; their eyes are firmly planted on the bully and their faces amazingly neutral. Are they truly untouched by the condescension she dishes out so generously? Are they all lacking in ability to confront her? Putting up with the patronizing and controlling behavior, the arrogance, the petty crap, the continual undermining is typical. Unfortunately, to survive, sub-managers have to knuckle down and take the abuse the bully gives so generously, or ignore the abuse she gives to others.
Think about the impact that his daily, weekly, monthly treatment has on individuals. Think about the long-term impact on them as parents and spouses, let alone as employees and managers. Think about the negative, albeit indirect, impact her bullying has on innocent children by turning otherwise mentally and emotionally healthy parents into depressed, downtrodden, stress-ridden people.
In meetings, every item or idea the sub-manager raises, the bully criticizes – patronizingly. No credit is given for the target’s work or effort. According to the bully, the sub-manager’s work is incorrect and inappropriate, although the bully will give no specifics, even when pushed. The bully loses most of her managers as the smart ones moved on - - usually out of the organization. This has been going on for years. Why is this woman allowed to make the working lives of so many people so miserable?
Workplace bullying dehumanizes and demoralizes people. The bully uses her power to identify, undermine, and terminate targets. The targets have traits, personality, and characteristics that the bully wishes she had. For the bully, the target is perceived as a threat. In healthy organizations, such individuals should be sought after, respected, and promoted.
An additional and familiar component of workplace bullying is a deliberate process to gain control of the target. The bully will often “court” the individual and become a good colleague, seemingly relying on the target and taking advice from the target. The target is being set up as a high performer, and then systematically broken down.
The bully is typically at or near the top of the organizational structure. She will tell false tales about the target, exclude them from meetings, and exclude them from receiving information necessary to do a good job, along with the continual personal undermining and allegations of wrongdoings. The allegations and undermining are seldom made or carried out in a group setting. They are almost always executed on a one-to-one basis. In front of others, the bully is typically courteous, and, in some cases, extremely friendly and charming to and about the target. This charming front, balanced by the one-on-one personal tormenting regarding lack of achievement, makes up the psychological torture. Similar dynamics exist with domestic violence. One seldom sees a batterer beat up his wife in the street – he is always charming and loving in public, and carries out his battering almost always behind closed doors.
The bully, with her now isolated and excluded target, goes in for the kill – and soon another target is gone. Typically, the target at this stage is so defeated that he or she simply leaves.
When workplace bullying is happening in an organization, it is because leadership and management of the organization are allowing it to happen. Whenever there is a chronic workplace bully, there will be a trail of targets – this behavior is never a one-off. Corporate structures are condoning workplace bullying by doing nothing. Bad things happen when good people do nothing.
While targets assume that the world values discussion, respect for others, openness, and fairness, the bully sees these traits only as weaknesses to be exploited. Targets will attempt to do the decent thing and talk about issues. The bully will see this interaction as a game to be won – not issues to be discussed, compromised, and action jointly agreed. The bully must win at all costs. The target meanwhile continues with the mindset that most people are fair and therefore common ground can be found. The target who persists in seeking this common ground eventually wears themselves out and/or goes into a defensive mode. Either way, the target plays right into the bully’s hand.
Many targets and potential targets are victims of their own good nature. They will look trustingly upon a bully and initially believe what is said. It maybe have to be a blatant lie or act before a target will think poorly or badly of the bully. Many will bend over backwards or interpret the bully’s action positively in light of their own values and judging frameworks. It often takes another person to point out how badly he is being treated by the bully.
Personal qualities that bullies find irresistible:
Competence (this stimulates envy in less than competent bullies)
Intelligence
Uncompromising Honesty and integrity (which bullies despise)
Successfully
A strong sense of humor, including display of quick-wittedness
Imaginative
Helpful, always willing to share knowledge and experience
A strong forgiving streak and a desire to think well of others
Typical behaviors of the bully:
Spreading false or sarcastic innuendo to undermine creditability
Holding meetings without informing target
Keeping target out of the loop on important issues
Only telling half the story on major issues
Constantly finding things to complain about
Hostile and unproductive behavior in meetings
Constantly challenging target’s competence
Resisting one-on-one meetings
Second-guessing target’s decisions
The workplace bully typically has few allies except those who use her positional power to enhance their own. These people include reporting managers and administrative support people; hitching a ride on her power base can be rewarding. The primary skill of a bully is to use a “divide and conquer” approach early on with the results that the prospective targets are forced apart and do no have the support of team camaraderie. She then proceeds to spread innuendo and false stories about the target under the guise of “confidential.” This creates suspicion and the team becomes divided on what to do, who to listen to, and who to trust. When people are unsure of whom to trust, they withdraw and it becomes easy for the bully to manage the target’s demise with little or no challenge. The fear that she brings into the workplace is extensive, and it works. People close down, do not share, and go about their daily tasks with one thought – survive the day and go home (note the primary thought is NOT for the benefit of the customer/company).
This approach also seems to apply to the bully’s peers. Why else would a seemingly intelligent group of senior people go to such lengths to hide one of their own when she is obviously doing the organization a huge disfavor economically? Is it merely a skill deficiency in conflict resolution? Or is it fear that she may one day turn on them?
However, even the best people will eventually begin to think, “where there’s smoke there’s fire” about the target, and begin to wonder if the bully is right about the target; about her/him not performing. Those close to the target will often hear only the bully’s versions which will be embellished made-up issues regarding the target’s performance. The observers will tend to believe the bully – she is the boss. Of course when this stage is reached, the target’s performance is declining and they are barely at survival level in their emotional well-being because of the bully’s clever ploys. The bully’s actions worked; the prophecy has come true – the target is barely performing.
Stay and suffer, or leave?
In corporate life, managers who are targeted either leave voluntarily because they simply cannot stand it any more and get out for their own sanity, or they negotiate a “resignation” settlement with a confidentiality clause. It is quite easy to find a chronic bully in senior management – look at the management turnover statistics in the past 3-5 years and there will be a trail of “resignations” – some with settlements and some without – all with credible explanations, or at least on the surface.
Management turnover is extremely costly – recruitment of a manager costs up to 30% of the first year’s remuneration. In addition, the expense of lawyers, settlement costs, and the qualitative costs of down time in productivity through management changeovers is significant.
To fight or not to fight?
If the target fights back, this can be their downfall. The bully is only interested in control. The target does not realize at first that what he/she is actually fighting is not a principle or an issue but a bully. By the time realization hits, the bully’s tactics are already working. The target’s self-esteem is wavering, and the fighting becomes defensive and exhausting. The bully with real positional power will then increase the pressure and work to undermine the target and then edge her/him out of the organization – preferably under their own steam. This has two conclusions – it rids the bully of the challenger, and it sends a message to others that standing up to the bully is a recipe for humiliation and termination.
If the target stays and fights back, the chances of being forced out are very high. Typically the termination will be the result of a “reorganization” or a trumped up performance issue. If the target stays and does not fight back, s/he will have to become another corporate drone. Her/his career will progress slowly, if at all. The target’s development will remain stagnant for as long as the bully is in place.
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